GROWING UP DEPRESSED!?!

Richie Havens was singing "Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child" at the end of Tibet: Cry of the Snow Lion. Punching out the lyrics like his heart was being torn by each syllable. Some...Times..I ..feel ..just like a .. motherless child. And it had been so long since I had sung that song that I'd forgotten the power it had for me when I was an angst ridden teen. That uniquely American thing. We sang that song as part of the "folksong movement" in the sixties as if we could understand the wretched, raw pain of the slave roots that it and other of the songs we sang came from. I had a vague dim unclear idea, so dim as to be non-existent to negligible. Yes, I knew history from textbooks but I had to wait the years to my present maturity to know that I never knew and never could know that pain.

So, why did it hold such an attraction? And with what result? I dunno. But quite possibly we were the most depressed generation ever. I am not saying that songs caused our ennui. What am thinking is that the songs we chose or were exposed to by the popular culture of the folk movement nurtured sustained depressive states to the point of addiction. Kind of glamorized the emotional disconnection sometimes to disorientation. Well I still love that song. It resonates with me and brings me close to tears always. What can I say and what can ya do? Sigh! Go figure....

Interview....Ack!.......Interview.....Ack!

I have an interview this Tuesday for a job. I am scared but I will tough it out. I have nothing to wear and I suppose nothing to lose. I will get this job. Somehow I know this (a retraction of this statement will be humiliating.) New corner in my life to turn.....Let's see...

JOB HUNTING MODE

The new position in job hunting mode is seated at the computer. Everything is online. I know this comes as no surprise to the young and the currently searching for work. Even so it is amazing in it's contradictory emotional impact. Here I am sitting at home, filling out applications, not talking to anyone, searching company websites, losing track of time, getting up, making tea, using the facilities, watching a movie on Netflix, losing track of time, eating, using the facilities, etc.,etc., etc.

I feel like a novelist, working at home. I feel like a home-based business person, working at home. I feel so weird. I feel like I am actually accomplishing something. I feel like I am accomplishing nothing. I feel like I am dreaming. I could do this for ever.