GROWING UP DEPRESSED!?!

Richie Havens was singing "Sometimes I Feel Like A Motherless Child" at the end of Tibet: Cry of the Snow Lion. Punching out the lyrics like his heart was being torn by each syllable. Some...Times..I ..feel ..just like a .. motherless child. And it had been so long since I had sung that song that I'd forgotten the power it had for me when I was an angst ridden teen. That uniquely American thing. We sang that song as part of the "folksong movement" in the sixties as if we could understand the wretched, raw pain of the slave roots that it and other of the songs we sang came from. I had a vague dim unclear idea, so dim as to be non-existent to negligible. Yes, I knew history from textbooks but I had to wait the years to my present maturity to know that I never knew and never could know that pain.

So, why did it hold such an attraction? And with what result? I dunno. But quite possibly we were the most depressed generation ever. I am not saying that songs caused our ennui. What am thinking is that the songs we chose or were exposed to by the popular culture of the folk movement nurtured sustained depressive states to the point of addiction. Kind of glamorized the emotional disconnection sometimes to disorientation. Well I still love that song. It resonates with me and brings me close to tears always. What can I say and what can ya do? Sigh! Go figure....

Interview....Ack!.......Interview.....Ack!

I have an interview this Tuesday for a job. I am scared but I will tough it out. I have nothing to wear and I suppose nothing to lose. I will get this job. Somehow I know this (a retraction of this statement will be humiliating.) New corner in my life to turn.....Let's see...

JOB HUNTING MODE

The new position in job hunting mode is seated at the computer. Everything is online. I know this comes as no surprise to the young and the currently searching for work. Even so it is amazing in it's contradictory emotional impact. Here I am sitting at home, filling out applications, not talking to anyone, searching company websites, losing track of time, getting up, making tea, using the facilities, watching a movie on Netflix, losing track of time, eating, using the facilities, etc.,etc., etc.

I feel like a novelist, working at home. I feel like a home-based business person, working at home. I feel so weird. I feel like I am actually accomplishing something. I feel like I am accomplishing nothing. I feel like I am dreaming. I could do this for ever.

THE SUMMER SO FAR......

I say I've retired and so often I get the congratulations
from friends that I must correct with the proviso that "Yes,
but it's really a career change." And, let me tell you, one
that's scaring me to death, if I think too long on it. 

So, I've got a new mantra that I keep to the fore of all thought:
There are two days you should never worry about;
yesterday and tomorrow. Of course that's if you are doing
the right thing today. So, I am trying really hard to stick to the
plan for every today. This is a major effort against nature as
I am very much inclined to let every today slip through my
fingers in fruitless activities (one could argue, such as this one.)

To my credit, yesterday and today I did keep to the plan and prayerfully
put my feet on the path to righteous accomplishment. Believe me,
the prayer was fervent and with strong outcries, if internal,
because even when fully dressed I want nothing more than
to turn back to my bed and sleep.

Ahhh, that narcotic of old age, sleep.

THIS IS AMAZING!

So, I've got this facebook account now. And I've become really addicted to it. And like I keep in touch with my family through it. So, like on a whim, like, I decided to type in the name of a 5th grade girlfriend who I have been thinking about for forever. And SHAZZAM, there she was on the second page of the research results of people with the same exact name. I mean this picture was just her face from 45 years ago except the hair was graying at the temples. How wild is that! I mean if she searched my maiden name she wouldn't really find me. (I've tried it) And what are the odds of her being on facebook. On second thought, the odds are getting better everyday. So we are like renewing our friendship, and comparing notes and maybe someday soon we will have time to get together over lunch. Keep you posted.

updateupdateupdateupdateupdateupdateupdate.....

OKAY....It's March 10th, as you can see by reading the post date, and here's the latest news:

I attended my Teacher's Retirement System workshop and it's really happening. I am retiring as of July 1st and starting a new career. No, it's not nutrition and lifestyle counseling. That was a extravagant dream. I quit. It cost me way too much money for no guarantees.

But in the name of flexibility and boredom, I am taking prep courses for a certification in Medical Records Coding. It's actually more interesting than it sounds and according to the research I have been doing, still a wide open field. Also, it's a national certification. That means I could conceivably pick up stakes and move anywhere in the U.S.A. should I want to.

I am ready for a bit of boredom if it means I can: a) maybe work at home 3 to 4 days per week and have the rest of the time to myself and or b) work in an office or free-lance/per diem and not have to think about any work related things when I come home. (Teachers and former teachers will understand this and appreciate it!)

What makes this flexibility all possible will be that I will retire with a small pension (won't even cover my rent!) and (here's the gem) my medical coverage! yeah! yay!

Well small things make me happy. Will keep you posted soon.

I am retiring

Come June 2009 and it will be the end of my career as a NYC teacher. I have one more year to go and I couldn't be happier. But like the stereotypical Dominican baseball player who says, "Beisbol's been good to me", I can only say teaching's been good to me in limited ways. It really was the stop gap career choice, useful to a single mother for the schedule only. Otherwise, it's been horrific. I could detail the horrors but I will spare you.
I've decided to retire to pursue a new career while I am still young and energetic.
That being said, What will I choose?
I love books. Shoulda been a librarian. Too much study now.
I love to cook. Shoulda been a chef. Too risky now.
I love herbs and outdoor gardening. Shoulda been an herbalist/alternative healer. Hmmmmm. Hold the thought.
Cooking. Herbs. Healing. Nutrition. Education. Books. My own business. Stir it all together and Voila! Health Counselor!!!
Starting a yearlong course this July. Stay tuned. Institute for Integrative Nutrition here I come. I will keep you posted.